The Backlog Boutique™

Premium artifacts for the perpetually un patched.

At Onit, we believe that if you can't fix the vulnerability, you should at least look good trying. We've transformed the modern security sprint into a line of premium lifestyle products designed to help you cope with a CVSS 9.8 that's been "In Progress" since the Obama administration.

"This hot sauce tastes exactly like my patch cycle: immediate panic followed by a very long, painful burn."

A Senior Security
Engineer

Product Collections

The Ticket Life Cycle

THE ZOMBIE TICKET Collectible Figure

"THE ZOMBIE TICKET" Collectible Figure

Because some vulnerabilities refuse to stay dead

REOPENED Boomerang

"REOPENED" Boomerang

You throw it away, it comes back, just like your findings.

ASSIGNED TO: SOMEONE ELSE Stress Ball

"ASSIGNED TO: SOMEONE ELSE" Stress Ball

For when a ticket gets reassigned for the 4th time.

Copious Coping Mechanisms

ASSIGNED Hot Sauce

"ASSIGNED" Hot Sauce

Heat Level: CRITICAL (CVSS 9.8). Pass it on. Just like the ticket.

PATCHED Bourbon

"PATCHED" Bourbon

Aged 4 years. Just like your Heartbleed ticket. Only one got better with time.

CLOSED Champagne

"CLOSED" Champagne

Pop when remediation is verified complete. (Keep on ice cold; you'll be waiting a while).

Wellness & Self-Care

CRITICAL Bath Salts

"CRITICAL" Bath Salts

For when everything is critical and nothing is critical. Dissolves in water. (Unlike your backlog.)

IN PROGRESS Essential Oil

"IN PROGRESS" Essential Oil

Apply when a ticket has been 'In Progress' for 200+ days. Contains Lavender (patience) and Peppermint (false hope).

REMEDIATION PLAN Sleep Aid

"REMEDIATION PLAN" Sleep Aid

Take nightly while waiting for teams to apply a patch.

The Buzzwords Collection

ASSIGNED Hot Sauce

"ASSIGNED" Hot Sauce

All directions point to "Vulnerabilities." Perhaps instead of shifting — try fixing?

REMEDIATION PLAN Sleep Mask

"REMEDIATION PLAN" Sleep Mask

Close your eyes. Your vulnerabilities will still be there when you wake up.

CRITICAL Pillow Set 2-pack

"CRITICAL" Pillow Set (2-pack)

Pillow 1: CVSS 9.8, Pillow 2: CRITICAL. For resting your head on problems that don't rest.

STATUS: IN PROGRESS Throw Blanket

"STATUS: IN PROGRESS" Throw Blanket

For wrapping yourself while your findings remain unwrapped.

Why Onit?
Security, by decision.

We're done with the "resource-devouring chain reaction" of task sprawl. Onit replaces endless tasks with enduring decisions. We collapse exposures by streamlining resolutions that are based on human decisions and agentic execution.

Learn More